I shouldn't be here right now, in this cube, in this office building. It's twenty till six on a Friday, but I'm drawn to the desire to write about the last two and a half days--my night with Emi, after I had resolved myself (tried to resolve myself) to act against my feelings, my off-site meeting at the Cape, and other various experiences I've encountered in the span of time since my previous entry.
It's a beautiful, grey evening in Boston. Standing at the window overlooking the harbor, it looks as if it should be very cold; I find myself unconciously wrapping my arms around myself, snuggling, hesitant to leave the building.
There's so much.
The Cape was gorgeous. It was bizarre to be staying where I stayed, as it was lavish and expensive, which has never been a possibility to me. My room was bigger than most one bedroom apartments in Boston--a full kitchen, a dining area, a living room, a huge bedroom. I paced it nervously, not used to so much space for just myself, but I welcomed the quietness, the solitude.
We had a dinner and reception at the mansion. Shrimp cocktail, pate, champaigne, wine, exquisite place settings. But with all the sparkle and dazzle surrounding me, I was mesmerized, instead, by the ocean in the near distance.
Quietly, I watched the sun set, and the oranges and pinks turn to darker washes, until, at last, the sky molded itself onto the ocean seamlessly. This, I thought to myself as I held my breath, is beauty, and tears welled in my eyes. Twenty minutes later, a single star blossomed in the sky over the water.
Emi.
Oh, I am full of sighs right now.
Emi Beth encourages me to wish on stars over the ocean. Water blending into the night horizon like our bodies blending seamlessly into each other's. I closed my eyes and licked my lips, tasting the salted air and finding pleasure in my memory of her lips. One star rising against the falling night, passions pressing lustfully against the whole of their heavenly bodies. Closing my eyes, overtaken by the beauty, I wished into the infinite space where a steller lover pleasured night that my lover was cradled in her own beauty, knowing that I would tell her later how a single star over the ocean was as lovely as her eyes.