You don't know how lucky you are, you don't know how much I adore you
18 October 2004
4:57 p.m.
Time alludes but never explains.
But sometimes, our breathing bends light just enough to open windows.
I am amazed. And sad. And tears run so easily these days that I can't remember this whole year past when I layed awake at night willing myself to remember how to cry.
It has only been eighteen months, really, and in all this time, I took you for granted and myself for a ride around the many curves of an ego stroked, never paying attention to the flesh and breath and tongue on lips and teeth and time.
This isn't about you, or you, or you...but you (will you recognize yourself?).
Thank you rises like a mist, and yet, the mist in just this moment where time lies bent is not nearly the texture it should be.
It is all too complex, and yes, just this once, I realize the inappropriateness of love, even though, just today, I defended love's random sighs.
And I am only this small today, crying because I do understand it all, at last, and it's nothing that I've expected, and there's nothing that I can or willl do about it.
Because I think I finally understand the selflessness of love.